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Philo 171
 
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 Last Five Wishes

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arroyo.queenie



Posts : 6
Join date : 2008-11-24
Age : 26

PostSubject: Last Five Wishes   Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:04 am

1. Health Care Representative - I would like to take care of myself so long as circumstances will allow it. I was raised independent, and learn to stand by my own. Although I'm always having a hard time deciding for myself, and always rely on impulse motives, mostly my actions turn out well. It is up to me to decide for myself as long as I have the capacity to act, speak, and think. But in case my body and mind (suddenly or gradually) turn into state of paralysis, I would be very glad to take my parents stand regarding my health matters. My aunt M on mother’s side opinions may matter too, since I value her as much as my parents and serve my whole life acting as guardian. Knowing how emotional and frantic my mother could possibly be, I wish in particular not to be a much burden or a bigger deal to her when it comes to taking care of me.

Simply put, I wouldn’t need anyone to represent myself unless I myself cannot act anymore; it is my parents business then. As long as my mind constitutes awareness, I want my own decision on every matter. I would hate it when insignificant others would try intervening on my condition.

2. Living will – In case of PVS or coma, I wish you to understand my will to live. I want to live more (as of now) even if I long plan to die at the age of 25 before. If possible, I want to have another 10 years of my life, even under state of coma I know to myself that Id still bare cognizance. Since I realized that I’ve been living my whole life not for myself, but for the people who care for me – my family. I will to live FOR THEM. I know how much they want to stay beside me, and not to lose me. My life is shallow and senseless, but to them, it is way more than that. They appreciate my existence more than I ever try to do. But if by their mouths come out the resolution to end my life for I’ve been starting to be a burden and can no longer be taken care of, then you don’t have to wait for another 24 hours or so, end my life at once. I see nothing wrong with it. If I lose the capacity to speak, walk, or hear, but still have the ability to understand and recognize, I would appreciate if they would not keep me in bed. I want to see (or experience) more of the world. You can put me in a wheelchair, take me to different places I’ve never been. Take me everywhere you can possibly think of. I was born an adventurer and risk taker, I don’t want spending the last days of my life within four walls. I want the world to own me.

I would not be that choosy, if there remains any possible way to save my life, then id prefer to take it. Blood, organs, whatever that may help my survival as long as it will not serve perilous to others. I wasn’t afraid to die, I’m just afraid to lose my ONE chance to fulfill my dreams. Well, I favor organ donation (much people need it) for I prefer to have my body cremated, so I guess losing an eyeball or kidney wouldn’t matter anymore. I know you love me much but please mom, allow it.

3. How comfortable I want to be – I want to stay in peaceful places, if possible – alone. I can’t tolerate much noise; it triggers my anger and nerve impulse easily. I have a very short sense of temper and immediate mood swings, so I don’t want to see any abominable person near me, ask my friends, they’d know who I am pertaining to. Sanitation is of great issue, as most of us would have wanted, I want to stay clean and fresh. I want my favorite scent to be always with me, alcohol always present. Favorite music always playing, it soothes my mood all the time. That’s all, clean, comfortable and fresh. Well, knowing how busy people are, in situation of total dependence, it is acceptable if I get dirty every once a while.

Chocolates and ice cream, favorite delicacies, lutong-bahay ni nanay and DQ Blizzard mud pie once a week (even when dying, Id still want to have my weight regulated). When hospitalized or bed sick I want my friends, especially my college friends to visit me from time to time (if possible) regularly. It will avoid my recurrent depression. If possible even for once, bring Costello; that sure will help to my speedy recovery. Tell me your daily stories in UP, I would love to hear it. Less medications and hospital treatments, more of natural foods and therapies.

4. How I want people to treat me – Well treat me the usual way you do people, be nice if you’re usually nice, rude if you’re usually rude. It doesn’t matter much to me, just be sure not to break my heart with your words when suddenly I turn useless/worthless to you. If soon I’ll be able to get back on my feet, I’d probably find ways to repay and give you back all the things you’d render me, may it be better or worse. But if I happen to die any soon, then so bye-bye friend – see you in the afterlife (if it truly exists). Nice having you all.

5. What I want my family to know and my last wishes – To my family, three words are not enough, but still I LOVE YOU, I always love you and will love you until my last breathing moment. If I have the chance to live my life over and over again, I still choose to have you. We’ll join each other in light soon; I hope we could catch up with one another before leading to another life generation. All that I did, everything; I did it all for our best. I was meant to live to make our dreams soon come true. I may have disappointed, angered and hurt you some time, and to that I wish you to forgive and accept me for whatever I turned out to be. I’d tried to be a better person and you know that. I wasn’t the best child, the best sister or niece, but all my life I was trying to be good enough for all of you. I live my life with fairness and heart for those who love. I dream to offer shelter for those who need, but if chances finally took it away from me, then I hope you will understand my shortcomings.

To my friends- you are my second family. Thank you for everything, and I wish you all the best in life. May we all succeed in whatever path we chose to take, and stay happy. We were bonded not just by friendship and things, but we are here and almost one because we find and feel something in common. We loved each other; we all feel that, and please in whatever dispute you people may undergo, avoid fighting. I love you guys. P.S. Don’t kill yourself in the future.

There’s one impossibility that I still long to overcome, maybe until the last day of my life. If chances will allow it, I wish to spend one whole day with Costello. One whole day will do, and I would ask nothing more. You're the person who taught me to be selfless, cause me to understand life deeper, and inspire me to do and achieve so many things and keep breaking my heart; for another unexpected time, I want to be with you. I wish you can know me better, also I wish to punch your man in the face.

Like I said before, I prefer cremation. Nah, no viewing please for sure I’ll be in terrible shape by then and It is unacceptable for me when other people see the way I look inside a casket. Like I always did during my lively days, photographs and clips or tribute of any kind are more likely to be my request. Although, I wouldn’t be able to witness it, since I was already dead, I just want people to have knowledge of who I am during my days. Not a wish, but more of a hope – I hope I was able to leave (good) marks on every people’s heart, and earn respect from those I had loved. Okay, you can gamble, but no drinking. Father, even when I’m gone, please… Stop smoking. To my mother, please don’t take life seriously, live every single day of it happily and lightly. All things I own will, without any question, be my younger brother’s property.

If I will die any sooner, well I wish to at least turn 18.
I'm a person of irregularities and inconsistencies making everything that is written in here vulnerable to change.
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