Will not go quietly into that good night

When you are near death…

1. Who is the person you want to make care decisions for you when you can’t?

When I am nearing death, the person I want to make care decisions for me would be my wife/daughter/son and a trusted doctor (a brod and someone very close to my family). To qualify my answer, I want the compassion and love of an immediate family member coupled with the critical eye of a trained physician to make my care decisions because ideally, they would balance each other out. My family is my family, we’ve been through thick and thin. My brod and doctor is also as family (for even if he is not my blood brother, he is a fictive kin, someone I treat as family but also possessing a sort of detached empathy (paradox, I know). Working together, they would be my ideal decision makers.

2. What kind of medical treatment do you want or don’t want?

Any treatment to prolong my life without undue financial difficulty is greatly appreciated, but once I start to be so much of a burden that any more medical treatment would be too expensive and would incur serious debt, I would request to stop such treatment. If it is a risky operation with 50% or less than 50% survival, I think I’d still undergo it, it’s still a chance to save my life. Treatment that will reduce me to a vegetable is unacceptable, I’d rather be aware of my death. Hehe…

3. How comfortable do you want to be?

I’d like a comfy bed and a decent aircon. Hahaha! But more importantly, I would like my family and closest friends and brods to be with me when I take my trip to the void. I guess painkillers will only be necessary if it gets so bad that I can’t speak coherently to my loved ones anymore. I want to be coherent until my demise. (macabre ba? )

4. How do you want people to treat you?

I’d prefer it if people (outside a trusted circle of family and friends) not know the full extent of my condition. I want to be with them as I was before. Little change as possible. This is so because I don’t want pity, just empathy (if they’re smart enough). I’d like my family and friends to be happy with me until the second I pass into the void. I don’t want to see their faces in agony, or sadness, or anger. The world has had too much of that already. I want those who I truly care for to not have to deal with too much of that.

5. How do you want your loved ones to know?

I prefer if they know that I’m dying after I’ve fully digested the information myself. I’d want to tell them about my condition. I don’t want anyone else to. I think it’s a matter of pride in my life that I be the one to tell those I love how its going to end. Hehe. Oh, I want people to play "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay at my funeral.