My Five Hope-To-Come-True Wishes
1. Health Care Representative
Since I’m used to being independent and I believe that I can make accurate and sound decisions instantaneously, I want a full hand supervision over initial health care decisions for myself. Initial decisions may include which hospital I should be in and what treatment (how I hope, painless treatment
) I should have. My family will just come into the decision-making wherein surgeries and operations are involved.
I want my sisters, Betots and Tashana, to be my health care representatives. I want them to decide for me in situations wherein I can no longer speak for myself and in times wherein there’s uncertainty with my survival (e.g. life-threatening diseases and comatose or PVS). Initially, I hesitated to assign them because they are the closest persons to me and surely, they would be biased. But then again, I strongly believe that they are just the people I know who know me very very well. I believe that they can decide on what is best for me and they know exactly what I really want regarding death (including euthanasia). I know that they wouldn’t feel any guilt when they do the ‘thing’ to me because they know that it’s for my own sake. And they will just do my last request to them. In case of split decision, I want Tashana’s decision to be implemented.
(In case of non-compliance among my two assigned health care representatives, I want to leave the decision to my doctor. I strongly want that mama and papa should not intervene!!)
*I can’t think of anyone who will not be biased regarding this matter.
2. Living Will-The kind of treatment I want and do not want:
First and foremost, I really really don’t want to be wheel-chaired!
I have extremely low pain threshold but I don’t want to take any pain reliever medicine.
If I have incurable or fatal disease, I don’t want to undergo any other treatment (this will just add to false hopes). I just want to accept that death will soon get me and I can’t do anything about it. Strictly, NO DNI and DNR!
In case of a comatose, just let me stay for a day (or even overnight) (a day is long enough for me to be considered dead). I don’t want to prolong my agony and my family’s so if another day comes and I’m still asleep (just consider me sleeping, but sleeping for good), call it my last. I believe that comatose will be my body’s way of saying that it’s enough. I want a 24-hour or less extention to my life (plugging a respirator or something) because it would just be too hard for my family to bear seeing me unconscious and artifically breathing (even though as if it would be easy to bear seeing me dead). I want my health care representatives to unplug any medical equipment connected to my body after 24 hours (disregarding my mama’s and papa’s for sure objections because this is what I want). (I hope they would respect my decision.)
Well, for organ donation, I haven’t decided yet. However, one thing is currently on my mind: I want to remain complete (even though some of my body parts are impaired) and perhaps obvioulsy, this gives my answer. But still, this is negotiable. I want to give my family the authority to decide for me on this matter. (I want to help others by donating but I’m afraid that what if when I go to heaven or hell, I don’t have eyes? How can I see if it’s beautiful or awful? Oh well, nonsense
Before, I wanted to donate my (dead) body to UP-PGH for experimentation of students. But then again, I realized, I don’t want my body to be cut into pieces or anything undesirable. (masasalaula di ba?)
3. How comfortable do I want to be
When it comes to intuition, I have a very sensitive sixth sense so I don’t want to be confined in a haunted hospital (but this is negotiable
). (I want to experience seeing and hearing spirits and ghosts again for the last time.)
For my “suite” (condo-style
), I want the interior to be designed with any shades of violet because I really super duper love purple (creepy noh? Haha.)And for the bed, I want it to be queen-sized so that I can still be considered majestic and not sick. I want everything purple.
I also really really want a make-up artist to visit me everyday for a beauty treatment (I hope it would be Bem Abeleda, harhar
). I want to be beautiful everyday even though I’m sick.
I want to eat lots of chocolate, especially ferrero. (there are no chocolates in heaven or hell, right? I belive so.
I want dogs (our family’s pets, sexy and brandy) and cats to be in my room and I want them to stay and sleep with me.
I want my everyday bath to be a milk bath. (I love drinking milk but I haven’t experienced soaking in it)
I want music to caress me every night. (mellow rock and RnB from time to time)
I don’t want people with stink body odor to enter my room. (Gross!!) Also, I hate strawberry-scented perfume. (don’t dare to visit me or I’ll kick you out of my room)
I still want to have an entertainment area in my room with tv set, karaoke and dvd player. I want to watch korean and taiwanese movie series.
I also want to have (sacred) alone moments. (in these times, I will just cry silently while reminiscing the years I lived)
*I just want to be comfortable as much as possible.
4. How I want people to treat me
Since I’m the type of person who needs to be surrounded by people who approve of me and flatter me, I want my mama to reiterate every morning how beautiful I am and say I’m the most beautiful. (I will surely miss this when I leave, ngayon pa nga lang na I’m far from home
And I really adore being in the center of everyone’s attention so I want my family and relatives to talk about the good things I have done and how they need me to stay. (to boost my desire to live..)
I want my friends to crack corny jokes when they feel like crying. (I don’t want to see a single tear)
I want (handsome
) doctors and nurses to tell me white lies about my health condition when I’m with my family and relatives and tell the truth when they leave. (I don’t want to see sad faces and sympathizing looks)
Basically, I just want people to treat me like a REAL queen and as if I’m not sick!
5. What I want my family to know and last wishes
For mama and papa, I want them to know that they are the dearest persons in my life and I’m thankful that they haven’t surrendered raising me even though I’m hard-nosed, moody and defiant. I want to let them know that there were times that I suddenly cried worrying that this time would come that one of us will leave. I just want them to know that all the things I have done was for them to be proud of me.
For the last time, I want to spend time alone because freedom and independence are as essential to me as the air I breathe (since I’ll be experiencing my last breathe soon).
Because I need plenty of room for self-expression, I want to receive lots of stressballs (to be buried with me) so that I will no longer hurt myself (believe it or not, oftentimes, I hurt myself by scratching my face and biting my lips until it bleed) when I become bitter (in heaven or hell) and I wouldn’t exhibit destructive behavior.
I want my personal belongings (my diaries, planners, 18th birthday notebook, collection of dvds, clothes, cosmetics, fashion magazines, stuff toys, posters, pictures) to be put in a decent place with nobody reading my writings unless for publication.
I also want to have a one-on-one conversation with my first love. (I just want to talk to him for the last time)
I want my family to organize an exchange gift party. (I want to receive a camera or a make-up kit.
I want my funeral to be held in the province and it should just last for five days.
Most importantly, if possible, I want Enchong Dee to be in my funeral! (nga pala, I also want him to be by my side when I die)