"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." – GILDA RADNER
1. Health care representative -The person I want to make decisions for me:
In case of a near-to-death case and other related issues regarding my health, no person is appropriate enough to decide for me other than my mother, who gave birth to me. I believe that she has the right to decide whether to “pull the plug” or not. Given a case that she is no longer present during that situation, my (future) husband will be given the right to decide. Well, in the future I might already have kids. I will also consider them to be my health care representatives, that is, when they are already legally, mentally and emotionally ready to make decisions for me. I am choosing these people because they are the ones closest to me, and I believe no other people would know what is best for me. I know, emotional concerns will arrive during that moment, but I am confident with my relationship with them. I know they will not let anything worse happen to me. I do not consider any medical person to decide for my situation, unless he or she is part of my future family. I want medical people only to evaluate my health conditions, suggest on what would be good for me, and talk to me and my family about the situation, but never decide on whether to continue or cut my life. I still consider closest people regarding this matter. Most importantly, I would not want them to fight against each other’s decisions, it would be best to keep the sequence of health care representatives I listed. First, my mother, and then my future family (the father and the children). With that, it would be clear who among the people in my life the top person to decide for me be.
2. Living will - The kind of treatment I want and do not want:
One of the several things that I would not want myself to suffer from is to die because of health-related issues. As long as He allows, I would want to die normally—without any problem on health or accidents, but because of my old age. I want to enjoy life at its best, to live life to the fullest. But again, in the situation where I would spend the rest of my days in bed, can not do the normal things like before, I would consider the following:
I would not want feeding tubes be the only reason for my survival. Yes, I would allow tubes be inserted in my body it if it helps in times that I have a difficulty in breathing, I want it removed when I feel okay. I do not want feeding tubes be the source of my food and nutrition. As what I have said, as long as it is allowed, I would want to die naturally and live a normal life. Feeding tubes will only cost higher hospital fees and will leave my family in a huge amount of debt. If it is time for me to die, then let it be, but not now…maybe more millions of years.
3. How comfortable do I want to be:
This must be a long post, but the current time must also be considered. I should be writing this during the most relaxed moment of my life, but is actually not happening now.
Just like some people, I would not want to stay in a hospital bed with all those smell and unusual ambience. Instead, I would want to stay in a room with bright, light and very positive ambience:
- with complete furniture and appliances—from super comfortable bed and sofa set, flat screen TV, DVD player, music player;
- a huge refrigerator where all my favorite cold treats are all inside;
- a bathroom with a blower, perfectly-made mirror (the one that will make me look beautiful) and bath tub;
- And a veranda where I can view the world outside my room. The veranda must have a swing so I could sway myself away into the beauty of the world.
That is how comfortable I want to be. Nothing gets better than that.
4. How I want people to treat me:
First, I want all the people that became part of my life to be there and pay a visit to me. I want them to come either in groups or individually.
My family: I want them to welcome all my guests and share stories with them, of course stories about me and my great existence.
I want to hear from them how lucky and happy they are to have me as their daughter (for my parents) and his sister (for my brother).
V-Gang: my high school loves. I want them to be there in complete attendance. We will be having our usual photo shoot—with themes, DSLRs and vain moments together—just like what we are doing in the past 3 years.
MakSci pips: please let them all come and visit me. I want to see the 127 (minus me already though I am not sure about this) students of our batch. Those who have been my classmates and advisers – sections Archimedes, Darwin Roentgen and Newton. My formed “groups” during my high school – Crossfire, Mini Stop Gang, Da Best, D6, D6 Unltd., and many more.
Block 3: they have been my group for 3 years, and I would not want them to miss the remaining days of my life. I want to watch with them the variety show (2009), view our pictures with them and reminisce all our happy and tough times together—from our fist meeting, to departmental exams of our GEs, field trips, reports, over nights, graduation (yehes!) and even our simply day to day experiences.
Other important people: those who are already part and who will be part of my life. Every person I meet is a person I treasure. Though time would not agree with me, but I would want all of these people to see me, and have a talk with me. A simple conversation would be enough for many, many people will be paying a visit, I know.
5. What I want my family to know and last wishes:
I want my family to know how much I love them, and how thankful I am to have them as my family. No other family would I want to be with, even though we are having problems at the moment. I know everything will be going well, as long as we stay together. For my mother, who sacrificed a lot in this family, I salute you. How much I wanted to be just like you. Undying love, everlasting time and effort, all cheers to you. To my father, who remained silent all through the years, I know how much you love us even you do not tell us. Silence remains but still you made us feel you care. To my brother, I want the best for you. I wanted you to be a better person in the future. I wish what you are experiencing right now will lead you not into a bad but a better future. May you learn from your mistakes and regret all the bad things that you have committed in the past.
For my last wishes, I am not certain yet. But please consider all that was written above. I would be very glad if those things come into actuality.
For other details, I would want to spare some time for this:
First, at the time of my death, I want everyone to wear White
please. This has been my theme during my 18th birthday. I do not want any person wearing a dark-colored clothes. I would like it better if both colors will go together. I want all the people who went there to have a photo op, grouped together accordingly.
Second, I want my casket not to be just plain white. Just like the theme I asked for what-to-wear, I would like it better if the casket has a color accent of silver, maybe on the sides.
Third, I want flowers (not those usual flowers given during typical burials) to be all over the room. So many of them that I would be able to smell them.
Fourth, it is okay if you want to view my casket, given that, I wear a beautiful dress (also white and silver) and my make up is good. I would not want to be seen not beautiful.
Fifth, I want the room to be comfortable for my guests. Do not choose a place where they would be crowded. I want everyone to gather in one room and they will all talk about me. I want to see them happy, and I want to make sure everyone will be okay when I leave.
Lastly, I know it is impossible for the people not to cry. Okay, you can cry but please on the first viewing only. After that, I want you all to smile, laugh and remember those happy moments that we had. Maybe I would be able to hear you people, so make sure to tell good stories instead.