last wishes

who i want to make decisions for me:
In the event that I am no longer in a position to make decisions for myself. My mother and father shall make all decisions for me, TOGETHER. I hope I could stress that enough. My best friend Faye shall have equal authority to break a stalemate if it shall occur.

The kind of treatment I want and do not want:
I would like to have the best treatment I can have as possible and that my family’s resources can cover. Experimental treatments are okay as long as they have a high or acceptable performance rating, and backed by extensive scientific research. Most importantly, if the said treatment will not in any ways endanger someone else.
I am a blood donor myself, if in any case I shall need one the first available blood that is a match in a blood bank (O+) is fine.
I have no problems with hospitals, my only only concern is not to be surrounded by incompetent personnel, especially nurses who dream of having their diploma ASAP so they could wipe someone's ass for a dollar or two and i'm just another patient they have to get through to have it.
I want visitors, I believe that if i am able to let people see me at my weakness then that in itself is a sign of strength and i would want to feel strong if only in that way.
The only time I do not want visitors is when:
I need to rest
I'm puking
I need to change hospital robes
I'm defecating ( who would want to see that?)
If I stink

otherwise, even if I am in PVS. let the visitors come.
Flowers sound fine. My favorite are white roses.

I watched a talk show before and there was a guy who woke up after 6months out of comma in the US, since that amount of time in the Philippines would cost a fortune I would want half that time if possible. 3 months fighting chance to be exact. If that's not possible then the longest amount of time my family could keep me or as agreed upon by my mother and father.

I am up for organ donation, all except my eyes. they are the windows of my soul and I would want to see where I'm going even if its just poetically

If I am in terminal stage I still want to be resuscitated. Intubated. But procedures which might leave me deformed or retarded after if successful is not welcome.

How comfortable do I want to be:
I want to be in a private room with the tv all to myself or at most a double bed room. (therefore i cannot be sick).
I do not want hospital food.
Fruits are fine.
Did I mention I want visitors?.
I also want to stay clean. I do not want to stink.
I want soft sheets.
If at any point all these become too expensive then I would rather go home.

How I want people to treat me:
i only want to be treated with respect.
I want to be buried. Cremation is not a choice for me. Where, is a decision both my parents should make and must be approved by my brother. If by the time I die i'm married, then my husband should make the choice.
I also want the traditional "lamay" so the people I have met throughout the years could have a chance to say goodbye and their peace and also that they may be ale to meet each other. I want my dentist friends side by side my polsci friends and Baguio people with Manila's as well as my Batanguenos and Mindanaoan relatives and Mindanaoan batch mates. And in so doing learn from each other because I know did.


What I want my family to know and last wishes:
In my funeral, I do not want black. they could wear all colors. red and purple especially, if they want, for they where the colors I carried when I was alive.
My activists friend should sit right next to my family not at the back. And that they must have a part in my eulogy. They will make sure that everyone who knew would not miss that I allowed myself to be part of a greater cause, they would make sure that my family's cluelessness would be shattered. they would let everyone know that I was not just some girl who thought "I could change the world in my own way"... I did but only through collective action not alone or atleast tried to and i was proud of it. And I'm proud of them. Lastly, in my Eulogy, nanay Tere or Misty would read this poem On Children by Kahlil Gibran in Tagalog:


"Ang inyong mga anak ay hindi ninyo anak.

Sila'y mga anak ng Buhay na naghahanap para sa mga ito.

Sila'y nanggaling sa iyong sinapupunan, ngunit hindi mula sa iyo.

At kahit sila'y kasama mo, sila'y hindi pagmamay-ari ninyo.

Maaari mong ibigay ang iyong pagmamahal ngunit hindi ang iyong pag-iisip.

Sapagkat sila'y mayroong sariling pag-iisip.

Maaari mong tirhan ang kanilang katawan, ngunit hindi ang kanilang kaluluwa,

Sapagkat ang kanilang kaluluwa'y namamahay sa tirahan ng kinabukasan, na hindi mo maaaring pasukin, maging ng iyong panaginip.

Maaari kang magsumikap na maging katulad nila, ngunit huwag mong hanaping maging katulad mo sila.

Sapagkat ang buhay ay hindi tumatahak ng paatras o kaya'y nagpapahuli sa kahapon.

Kayo ang mga panang taga-hatid sa mga anak niyong nagsisilbing buhay na palaso.

Hahanapin ng tagapana ang marka sa landas ng kawalan, at ibabaluktot kayo hanggang sa lakas ng Kanyang kakayahan upang ang Kanyang palaso ay tumungong mabilis at malayo.

Hayaan ninyong ang inyong pagbaluktot sa kamay ng Tagapana ay maging para sa kaligayahan;

Sapagkat kung gaano man Niya kamahal ang palasong lumipad, ganoon din Niya kamahal ang panang matatag."

Rosas ng Digma or Sana (both are revolutionary songs) at some point must be played.

If I'm married by the time I die: off course


my husband should remarry.
If we have children, they should know that I loved them very much and I fought hard to stay alive for them and that they should make sure their father should remarry.
they get a say as to who their father marries too.
I also do not believe in spanking. try positive reinforcement.
i value education and i hope the children finish school but I can only wish that they would not let schooling affect their education. there is more to learn beyond the four corners of a classroom.
They do not need to become activists if they do not want to. that they must decide for themselves. But I would not want them to become tools for oppression (aka they can be anything but police officers, military, SANLAKAS, AKBAYAN etc) or simply put reactionaries. I'd rather they become tree- hugging hippies or a rock- star or everything else in between.

to my daughters: do not let anyone tell you, you cannot because you are a girl or hurt you because you are.
to my sons: always love the women in your lives.
to my husband: take care of the children.