My Five Wishes

1.Health Care Representative

In as much as I’d like to involve my whole family in my situation, I will only allow my health care representative to make decisions for me in the event where I am already disabled from making decisions for myself. I am sure that my whole family, especially my grandfather, would like to have a say when decisions are being made. However, I know that he can get unreasonable at times. That being said, my health care representatives are strictly limited to my parents. They both have to make decisions. It will be difficult, I am sure of it, but I am strongly convinced they will do what they think is best for me. They have made decisions for me when I was in a state of not being able to assert myself, and so if I find myself in a similar circumstance, they have my complete confidence and the full authority in deciding for me. In case the process turns into an impasse, I will assign my best friend to contribute to the decision making process.

2.Living Will (kind of treatment I want and do not want)

In case I get cancer, I will go through the minor medications but I do not want to undergo chemotherapy.

I already had experience where I have been drugged for a considerable period of time and I do not want to experience that again. I do not want to take in extreme amounts of medicine.

In case I get into a stage of comatose, I will only give myself a maximum of one month. After that, all life support should be removed.

3.How comfortable do I want to be

As I have mentioned earlier, my grandfather tends to include himself in decision-making processes when it comes to my wellbeing. When I got sick last year, he insisted I be confined at St. Luke’s. But it also cost us heaps of money having stayed there for almost three weeks. I don’t want to put a heavy burden on my family financially even if they insist. I still have two sisters who need to finish their studies. Plus, I am not really a big fan of hospitals (although I have a weird addiction to the smell of latex gloves).

I would insist that I live in a simple house at the beach, far away from the city. I love the smell of the ocean. It is the only place where I feel safe and free. I want to receive orchids (it brings back childhood memories). My bed must have white silk sheets and my room must have a lot of windows. I would like everything to be white.

If my Yaya Marga is still with us (and I hope she will be), I would like her to stay with me.

I want to bring with me all my books and my whole music collection, particularly Coldplay, Stereophonics, John Mayer, The Cure, Sarah McLachlan and Earth, Wind and Fire. Also, I would like to indulge myself in watching my favorite movies.

4.How I want people to treat me

I want everyone I know and love to visit me. But I do not like people to treat me as if I am dying. I don’t want people to look at me as if I am going to drop dead any second. I want them to talk to me like they would on any other day. As much as possible, I would like them to steer away from conversing with me about my illness.

5.What I want my family to know and last wishes

I want to spend the last remaining days of my life doing things I have never done before but would like to do if my health permits me.

I want my material possessions to pass directly to my sisters.

You may find this weird but I rarely say “I love you” to the people who matter most to me (I’m the type of person who shows her love. I find saying those three words really corny). But given the last few days of my life, I would of course, express my love to them. I would write to everyone and in the letter, I would tell them everything I haven’t told them before (how much they have made an impact in my life, how I see them as a person, how much they mean to me etc.).

On the day I die:

I want to be cremated. I do not want people crying (okay, a few tears may be fine, pero ayaw ko ng may humahagulgol). Specifically, I want everyone (and I would appreciate it if they would all wear white) to gather before sunset at the beach. I want them to read my letter during that time.

My ashes must be scattered in the ocean during sunset. No music should be played. I only want them to hear the sound of the ocean (and hopefully, they can feel how I feel every time I hear it). I cannot stress enough the color white. If they would like to throw flowers, it must be of the color white. I want them to wait until the sun sets. Afterwards, I would like to see them gathered around a bonfire where they can talk and reminisce, (again, no crying).